Hello. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I mean, it’s been a month or so since I posted, and I really ought to fix that. I’d like to say that I’ve spent my hiatus profitably, churning out chapter after chapter with the efficiency of a printing press, or that at the very least, I wrote a poem or short story or two, but that would be a lie, and we all know what happens to liars, don’t we?
Okay. The truth is I tried to write a few poems, and I spent a lot of time trying to come up with short story ideas. These efforts were largely unsuccessful. I even have a few partial and completed blog posts resting on my computer, but I either was unable to finish them or found them too offensive/whiny/depressing for publication.
So what have I been doing? I’m sure my readers want a blow by blow of every tedious aspect of my life in the last month, so I’ll let you in on the joys of my coveted existence.
I’ve been sick a lot, probably because restaurants, the places that ideally should not have sick people running around infecting the rest of the population, seem to be overrun with them. There’s never enough labor to go around in a restaurant, and someone usually has something. Or several somethings. Or several someones have somethings. No one’s going home, and no one’s going to work for anyone else, and we’re all tired and run down and catch everything from each other, let it mutate, and then pass it back to the people who infected us. Also, despite all of the perfectly normal, wonderful customers out there, there’s always someone like this:
As a friendly aside, I recommend that if you’re prone to catching every bug you come into contact with that you avoid restaurants during cold and flu season. Likewise, if you are sick, maybe you should stay home and have chicken noodle soup or something instead of infecting the rest of us, yeah? If you’re an entomologist, you shouldn’t be able to catch a bug in a restaurant, anyway; if you can, please call the health department. ‘Nuff said.
While I was reclining on my couch, feeling thoroughly unmotivated, I thought I’d catch up on some video games. If a bizarre obsession with saving virtual characters from scrapes made me a “good” person, I’d be an angel by now.
In the meantime, my house cleaning went from poor to preposterous. The instant I felt better, I was compelled to clean. One can only eat so many dishes off of paper plates.
Then my car broke down, and I discovered that it had two leaks in the engine, so I had to have it towed to the dealership so it could be fixed. I know, dear reader, that you’re probably thinking that having it taken anywhere else would probably be cheaper, but the last time I let someone else work on my car, the consequences were nearly catastrophic.
Mmm…fire. Sorry, what? Right. I was telling you, um, stuff. The day I got my car back, I made the brilliant nutritional choice of having nachos for dinner. Normally microwaves leave the middle a little undercooked, but my microwave, after making weird whiny sounds for the last month, thought that catching the middle of my nachos on fire was a great idea. I decided to take that as a sign, so yesterday I bought a new one, and that led to more housecleaning.
It’s really hard to write when one’s house ought to be declared a national disaster area. Do you think I could use my poor housekeeping as a deduction on my taxes? No? Oh, okay, then.
The positive news is that none of these things were really as horrible as they sound and they’re all taken care of now. Also, I’m going on vacation in less than a month, and I get to see my parents and my grandparents! Ah, life. It’s really not so bad, even if I could be more productive. Maybe while I’m on vacation?